You’ll never walk alone

16th May 2001. Day of UEFA Cup Final (Dortmund, Germany) Liverpool 5 – Alaves 4

The pivot point – the day I became a Christian.

That afternoon, I’d reached my lowest ever point. I lay on my bed in my student house – 47 Annand Road, in Gilesgate, Durham City – in tears; I couldn’t – or wouldn’t – move. I thought I’d reached the point of no return, that all hope was lost. I was in the pit of despair.

God managed to speak to me as I was lying on my bed on that sunny late-spring afternoon: ‘You can’t control what’s happening, and you can’t understand what’s happening. But I know it all, and I love you.’

It’s taken me until 2020 to take the time to articulate in detail what that actually meant (even though I instinctively knew it straight away):

•  Let go of the illusion you’re in control or understand all that’s going on in the world.

•  But trust me, not only am I all powerful, I also know exactly what is happening.

• I love you: that will always be the case. It’s not down to your good efforts or achievements. I will always care for you and will always be with you. Whether times are good or painful, my love is constant, infinite and unconditional.

•  Love is all that matters. Love makes good relationships happen – and that’s the only thing that brings richness of life.

•  Relax, stop trying to sort out your own problems (you’re often only making them worse anyway), and trying to earn good ‘standing’ in my eyes (you’ve always had that anyway, and always will). Relax in my arms and trust me, trusting I’m all powerful and all knowing.

•  Allow me to sort this; don’t take that burden on yourself.

•  I want you to enjoy life – which means enjoying good quality relationships. That is all. Now go and enjoy the football with your housemates.

So that’s what I did (instinctively, without going through any of that long-winded thought process), and I’ve never enjoyed watching a match as much as that before or possibly since. And I don’t even support Liverpool.

The simplicity and elegance of that message got corrupted through legalism, over-thinking and worry in the weeks, months and years after – only coming back into focus in late 2018. I am realising afresh how profound a message it was, but also how simple it was.